53112

Sauna was wonderful. sweated out alottt! pulled a tick off my ass in the shower. How the hell did you get there? I don’t have a clue. I’m tired, I’m off to bed. Night

A voice and a smile got together one day 

They looked at eachother, and the smile said to the voice

I am the most beautiful thing in all the land. Look how I light up the face that I live upon. 

The Voice looked at the smile, and the face it inhabited, and saw that this was true. 

“Smile, you are a radiant creation” he replied “and surely, you’re presence is needed in order to shine the light of Joy upon all those who may be blind to the beauty in all things, but I am the most powerful tool a creature has to use to change the world” 

It is with a voice that the revolutions start

It is with a voice that love is shared

It is with a voice that needs are met

and it is with a voice that smiles are made. 

But it is only together, that the world can change. 

Today was an amazing day. Woke up, early, 5ish, HORRIBLE asthma/allergy attack, couldn’t breath at all. I was able to move beyond this though, eventually ,and I started sungazing. When I finally made it to the kitchen, I made some tea, ran into brent, and we talked for 2 hours about claymont, and life and such; it was great getting to know him better. Then we went to sheperdstown, went windowshopping, got coffee, went to the crystal store, I was given a piece of merlinite  (yay!) 

Then off to amyjo’s riverfront property on the shendoah, Kayaking, swimming, and hackysacking- all made for a wonderful day. Then off to the diner to eat. 

But the highlight- I went to the mansion to play the piano, and work on songs for the show, and after a little while of playing; I completely cleared my throat chakra. I  can noticably feel how much more open it is now. and It feels AMAZING. I can breath! though my nose and my throat. Also, I found my voice- Like the openness, - and not only my voice, but the ability to ride the wave is getting easier and easier. It really is magic, the ability to change concsciousness at will- and losing myself to the creative process is such a JOY- and it’s getting easier. I can see where this is going and I’m incredibly excited! 

Love love love 

Gratitude!

OH goddddd 

Life is beautiful

Just surrendering to the moment a moment ago, while playing the piano, and allowing my whole body to get into it, soooooooo freeing. That’s the way I’m playing from now on. 

it’s a full body exercise, whenever I decide to let the rhythm ride.

I’ll just let you do the talking then. I’m empty, per your request.

Let’s go. 

Like a magnet- I feel the pull

Where I’m being pulled too, I don’t have any idea, but it must be somewhere I’m supposed to be. It’s a gentle tug, and a nudge in the right direction at the same time, by some source outside of myself. It’s natural, and it feels good; at this point I’ve realized that ignoring such a feeling only results in stuck-jolty-rigid-unorganic-energy, and I don’t like that. Surfing is a much better way to go about things, ride the wave, feel it build and crest and ride it back to the shore- only to paddle out again to catch the next one. Wave’s don’t go both ways. There’s no catching a wave from the shore out into the ocean; The ocean says to me; Hey bro, I’ll give you the energy you need to get back to where you came from but you gotta meet me halfway. So Here I am, Meeting you halfway. I’ve got my board all set up, I’m paddling out, and I’m waiting for a mother of a storm to come along and give me just the wave I need to hang 10.

Woooooshhhhhhhhhhh Woooshhhhhhhhhh

I miss the ocean; I miss her gentle lessons; and the complete abandoment and relaxation that can occur just by staring into her for hours. When the Moon sets, watching the stars on the beach; nothing can compare. The forest is great too, but truthfully, I haven’t transcended mosquito conciousness yet, and as much as I love spending time in the woods, the bugs on the east coast get to me. So does the humidity. 

And it’s always a slow spiral up- It takes time sometimes, patience is needed, to realize that you don’t have all of the answers, and at the same time you do- to look inside yourself and trust that the truth that you have to offer is valid and needed , and appreciated, and that there is no turning your back on the true nature of your divine soul. The spark of your flame is bright enough \to shine a light into the darkness, casting shadows longer than you can imagine on the world around you. This darkness is needed in order to truly grasp the full scope of your own being- for it’s the caves that we have hidden deep inside the recesses of our minds that hold the parts of us that we refuse to see. By exploring them, and bringing to light the things that are hidden there, we can finally come to face with the real reflection of who we are. Once we can stop being afraid of what we may find, only then can we dive into the void that is within each and every one of our cores. This is the state of being that the masters referred to as nirvana- oneness, complete abandonment of the self into something greater that you may not fully understand. And this sense of peace that comes from being one with oblivion is  union with a power greater than ourselves. and it is our selves at the same time. This is the paradox of the third dimensional reality- How we can be Of something, and something at the same time. The hologram of the illusion that we live in everyday is just a small minuscule part of a greater whole, and this whole can only be created with the help of each and every one of us. we’re all equally important, from the smallest pebble to the largest tree, and every thing conscious or not that exists in between. The whole universe is currently evolving, and as a holographic entity, a living organism, the smallest cell that makes a jump up in vibration effects the rest of the whole in a positive way. The most important thing any of us can do Right now at this moment is to work on ourselves. In meditation, using our breath, through affirmations, choosing gratitude over ingratitude, choosing compassion and love over hate. These are the methods that will allow us to come into right relation with our own higher selves. Once we can get out of the way of our own intentions and efforts, once we can put down the old patterns of behavior and old patterns of belief, and open ourselves up o something higher, then, and only then can we truly experience an expanded sense of this experience we call reality. There are entire worlds out there that have yet to be explored- whole universes that our waiting for our divine creative input, the impetus, the spark to create a flame that will act as a magnet that pulls the whole game along. This is what we are living for, This is what we are dying for, To become our true selves, to wake up and remember that We are all stardust, we are all Suns, and that our power to create the worlds, the universes we want to see, is only limited by the scope of our imagination. 

If you listen closely you can hear the whisper of things to come. It’s faint, it’s subtle, but it’s surely there. The ground is trembling from the vibrations of the things that have happened already, and haven’t happened at the same time. It’s up to you to choose which reality you want to see- which future you’d like to inhabit. Because now is the only time you have.  

It’s my intention to let go completely, to drop this mask that I wear all the time, even with myself, these silly disguises, the lies I use to try and convince myself that I am what I’m not, I don’t  want any of this anymore. I want to be return to innocence, to that state of consciousness where I am who I am and that’s all I am, no ego drama wrapped up into attempting to be who I’m not, or trying to please someone else with what I think they want to see me as- It’s all a giant waste of energy and I’m over it. I want to Shine, I want to be a Vessel,  I want to realize my true self, and express my true potential, I’ want to evolve into the God that I truly am- so that I may inspire everyone I meet just by my presence- to listen to their own hearts and strive to become one with their own divinity. I’m trying my best, and I’m being patient. I know that my prayers will be answered. I know that you’r listening right now, Watching me as I type this; influencing the words that I choose because they’re falling off the tip of my tongue easier than it normally is for me to find the words that I’m looking for. This guidance is much appreciated, and I’m incredibly grateful to beable to share this experience with you. I’d like to stay in this expanded state of mind forever, but I realize that the only constant is change- and I’m sure the excess energy that is flowing through me right now would probably be a little bit much for me to handle after a while. Is this the reason I can’t tap directly into the creative stream right now for extended periods of time. Is it a physical/quasiphysical limitation. Have I not yet developed my bodies, far enough along to beable to handle intense chanelled energies for more than a few seconds at a time? What can I do to increase my neurological capabilities of being able to stand in your presence for longer and longer periods of time? (kundalini, sungazing, Letting the inner self speak) So practice is what you’re saying, I understand…. Well this freeflow formless block paragraph style writing is getting to be quite enjoyable. 

A couple of notes on the process- I notice that as soon as I am able to form a clear, precise question, the answer presents itself, if not in the way of the question I asked, than an answer as soon as I begin to phrase the question. I want to look more into this. I have noticed I haven’t been asking alot of questions lately- And asking questions is how you learn things, so maybe this has been why my growth has felt a bit stunted lately? 

5/26/12

I’ve got a multiple track mind, with all cylinders firing

Bullet trains out of the station at the speed of light

Cock the hammer pull the trigger watch the flames ignite

hit with the truth so potent that you may just open your eyes

Cuz I know you’re one of those who wont believe till you see

but you got it backwards cuz our world depends on what we believe

But black and white’s all you see, blinded by duality, that you forget about all of the colors in between

Black and white’s all I see as I play these 88 keys

Every one of them vibrates at unique frequencies

Makes me think that Truth too it could be percieved

by each and every soul a bit differently

There’s never been another you and nor will there ever be

your one of a kind same as all of humanity

Even identical twins have their own fingerprints

and each person alive views life a bit different

- We all have our own eyes, or own Minds, our own individual gravestones that we leave behind, our unique passions and special dreams, our own parents, and so it seems that

there are no two people the same living on earth today

Yet your still you claim that there is only one way to win the game that it is we all play 

To that my friend I have got something to say

L to the Ove

I think I said enough, how a four letter word can pack such a punch 

You know that theres a limit to the seconds and the minutes

that we’ve got in our lives to spread the stuff

Race religion or creed, age gender or species 

As long as your heart is beating its the same to me

Cuz we’re all a part of one great big family

The earth is our mother, and we’re all sibilings

Would you- Listen to Me

I’m going to cram that thick skull of yours full of a dose of Reality

And I will Tell you just how it can be

Once we can Love one and other and let go of the need

to Force feed everyoneelse our beliefs

Stop killing each other over invisible boundries

Stop judging our brothers over differences skin deep and then maybe

Maybe we can all find some peace

It may look like to you that I’m losing steam

But the fact is there’s a few chambers that need emptying

Tracks one and five still have not yet arrived

so Soon you’ll see what happens when trains of thought collide

You call yourself Pro life, I think you must be confused

“prodeath must be the term that you are trying to use”

Cuz you’re the one votin in favor of more Gun’s and Bomb’s 

We’re spending more on defense than all other programs combined 

Last I checked you voted for the death penalty too

May I ask what it is that the word “life” means to you?

God forbid we let a woman have the right to choose

If she’s ready to be a mother or if not refuse

But You, You,  couldn’t think of anything worse

Or is it just because you won’t have the chance to tax em first?

Conservative- There’s another word that you must not know

You’re not conserving anything, except the Money you hold

Drilling For oil, Digging for gold, Blowing up mountain tops to get at the Coal

“It’s costs too much to save the planet you say”

But we can afford to poision our children and to you thats ok?

Big corporations, just don’t have that kind of money to pay

So while they’re destroying the planet, we’ll give em some huge tax breaks. 

Chorus

Take a look at this pricetag tell me what you see

You ever factor in the cost of comfortablity

I bet you didnt when you bought that brand new big screen tv

While there’s kids dying of hunger in complete disbelief

at the money you spend each day

A new case of mixed up definitions in the dictionary

Cuz I’m sure to you it counts as a Need 

The 7 bucks you spend daily on a frappuchino topped with cherry

And as you walk out the door to leave

And pass by the guy in the street begging for change on his knees

You walk right by, Avoiding his eyes

You got the money to spare, but you aint got the time.

Would You Listen to Me

I’m going to cram that skull of yours full with a dose of REALITY

I will tell you just how it can be- Once we can let go of all of this excessive greed

Take a look at all of our Priorities

I’m telling you a little reordering is all that we need

There’s no reason to keep buying all of these really nice things

When our brothers and sisters don’t have enough food to eat.

I’m an overidealistic treehugging mystic and the future I’ll predict it and the past I’ll forget it cuz right now is the only time we actually have so why fill up our heads with worries and regrets.This present moments a gift, and don’t you forget or you’l waste your whole life wishing that it was different. And we all have those moments we wish we could go back and erase, but by reliving the past, we can’t unmake our mistakes. And you’re not going to change the future, by any amount of your worrying. In fact you might end up creating the thing that you are most fearing. Do you know of the power of thoughts to influence the world we see. So focus your energy on thoughts of positivity. 

05/26/12

If for no other reason, I’d like to start typing in here daily, because I enjoy reading my past thoughts a TON. The me that used to be speaking to the me that is here now- As close to timetravel as I can currently get. The butterfly effect is no joke… Plus I can type closer to the speed of my thoughts, so it’s alot easier for me to get out what It is tahts floating around this brain of mine- with the journal it’s alot more difficult because I write so slow, and my handwrirting is so sloppy, and it’s just more of a chore- although I love Rumi, i am getting to the end of my journal though, I’m going to need more space. Making alot of headway with the writing for the show, I have a feeling that everything is going to end up coming together last minute- I’ll probably have a rehersal here and invite a few people, just so I can get some experience playing this stuff in front of people before the actual show, but who knows? 

52412

I’m an overidealistic treehugging mystic, the future I’ll predict it and the past I’ll forget it cuz right now is the only time that we actually have, so why choose to fill our heads up with worries or regrets, This present moment’s a gift -and don’t you forget, or you’ll end up wasting your life wishing it was different, When you focus your energy on what you wish would change, than you’re blind to all the blessings staring you right in the face.   Everyone of us has mistakes that we would like to erase„ but if you keep dwelling on what might have been than you lose sight of what is

Beatboxing and singing and walked right up on amy and lawton…. akwardly embarassing… but I don’t much care really

If it were up to me D AD AD ADAD ADA I wouldn’t change a thing

im grateful to witness the beauty in the chaos spiraling. 

05/11/12

Well, I’m making alot of headway with self expression. i realize the most important thing to do is remember to have fun. If I’m not enjoying myself while playing, then I need to take a step back and realize that having fun is the most important thing. Not producing a masterpiece. Nonattachement to what comes out, and the ability to laugh at yourself are more important than making sure ever line rhymes. ever time. Lime. Dime. Mime.

04/24/2012

What a strange day. So intense! GAH. It was a chariot reversed day; meaning that I’m supposed to keep a watch on my emotions and make sure they dont rule me, which I have to admit they did for at least a little while. 

Went from robs, to lunch, was told we had to wait, then given tasks, then we saw jho on the way back and told her our frustrations and she flipped out- took everything as a personal attack as always, and turned all of our concerns back on us like it was our fault. So over it. Then saw amy, and was able to have a civil discussion with her about the matter, which made me feel better. 

Later, we head back to robs, smoke, and no sooner do we finish than a group of kids walks up- someone forgot to mention that was happening to day, and said someone was not around. So we start giving a tour, high as fuckkk. Hysterical. I was loving it- playing it off- forgot how much fun being H.I.P is. (high in public. yeah I make anagrams like its nobodies buisness WHAT?!) 

flash forward, I’m at Olgas, we’re discussing this benefit concert,  gonna get a synth again. Manifestation is so strange, the way the universe gives to us, I question if I’m ready for this gift though? and this sends me into a spiral of questions of self worth and the like- I’m going to work hard enough to finish enough material for this event, and I know that I’m deserving of whatever comes my way- And I’m grateful for whatever amount that will be. It’ll be my first recital in how many years? 

I’ve been having alot of almost-here revelatory flashes, where I can grasp some kind of a truth for the briefest moment before it flits out of my mind again- like trying to remember a dream upon waking. Flashes pertaining to freedom, and self-nature- my own tendencies; identifying myself with my desires and with my habits, dividing myself into multiple parts…… I want to write more about these but I dont know where to start- It’s late and I’m going to meditate, then fall promptly asleep.